Tuesday, 11 September 2012

This morning I woke up, rolled over, and blearily blinked into the sunrise to see this –

I was completely disoriented.  I had a we’re-not-in-Kansas-anymore-Toto moment.  This had not been the view from my window from my window the day before… or rather the 40 or so hours ago when I last woke up in a bed in Sydney.  The view from my window looked suspiciously like Vancouver.   I started to have a mild panic attack.

And so it’s Tuesday – I arrived in Vancouver on Monday morning, and commence three months of yoga teacher training on Wednesday.  Hence the reason for said mild panic.  I left Australia in a rush of documentation, bad packing and a mild hangover.  I hadn’t really given myself time to think about it all – until this precise moment of disorientation in the guest room of an old work colleague.  I could suddenly think of a million reasons why this situation could be a possible disaster. 

I haven’t even stepped on a yoga mat in days.  I’ve been travelling and eating bad plane food and sleeping off my jet-lag. 

I have never attended the studio I’ll be studying at.  What if I don’t like the teachers?  What if I don’t like the studio space?

What if I don’t fit in with the other students?  What if my Lululemon outfits aren’t as cool as the other students’ Lululemon outfits?  What if the other students are too cool for Lululemon? What if they’re all super confident hippies who don’t require the ego-boost of expensive yoga clothing and I look like an idiot? 

How will I wear my hair?  If it’s in a bun, it’s often too low and gets in the way, or it could be too high and give me a headache!  If it’s in a ponytail, it always sticks to my face and gets caught under my wrists when I try to push up into a Wheel! 

What if I’m the only one who can’t do a headstand?!

How the hell am I going to stay awake through the entire 3 hour introductory class?! 

The ridiculous list of silly insecurities goes on, I can assure you.  It’s like my first day of high school all over again. 

To feel in control of the situation again, I started going through all the paperwork I needed for my first day of class.  The contracts, the disclaimers, the homework assignment… Oh.  The homework assignment.  The one I was supposed to hand in before the first class.  Bollocks. 
The homework question was What Is Yoga?  Meaning, really, what is yoga to me.  I spent a disproportionate amount of time on this one page statement today.  There was a lot of deleting and retyping and thinking I sounded too arrogant or too new-world-hippy or too lazy.  Finally, I think I managed to sum it up pretty well – I discovered how important yoga is to my health and happiness.  I want to continue to develop my practice and its importance in my life, and maybe, I might be good enough to help others make this discovery for themselves.  Ta-da. 

I rolled out my mat in the sun, dragged my feet into Lotus and let it all go. 


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